The baby was teething through the night, which meant for a schedule of crying at 12am, again at 2am, another outburst from 4-530am. Finally settling, i thought i'd catch a few minutes of sleep before waking the other four up for school at 6am. im sure matt is already back from his run and getting ready for yet another monday.....
Wrong. Matt flicks the living room light on. Its 7:20am. The littles missed their bus and i have 10 minutes to leave to get noah and zion at the primary school without making Ezra late for the lower school. we jump into the suburban, four minutes behind the NEW daily schedule. it sputters.
ARE YOU SERIOUS, GOD?
everyone files back into the house while matt (now even later), pours the remaining amount of lawnmower gas into the suburban....(like thats even going to put a dent into a 40 gallon tank). the children and i begin to pray.........
because i HAVE to believe that this is NO shocker to the Lord that my day was going to start out this way.
we have success. suburban hums down the little dirt roads while i mutter under my breathe that i could REALLY use some encouragement today.
i turn on the radio and hear Kay Arthur speak on her book, "when the hurt runs deep"
At some point in life, nearly every one of us finds ourselves pulled under by a tsunami wave of pain, overwhelmed by something large, sudden, and personally devastating. It can come crashing into our lives in any of a thousand ways....
-A wooden-faced supervisor who calls you into his office just before lunch and says, "we're downsizing the company, we have to let you go."
-A brief, cold conversation with your spouse one morning, and then the news, "I'm leaving. I've found someone else."
-A late-night knock on you door from a highway-patrol officer. " Your daughter has been in an accident. I'm sorry but she didn't make it."
-A quick stricken glance from the obstetrician, "I'm not picking up the babies heartbeat."
- An office visit with your oncologists to go over a scan and she starts by saying, "So you said you've been having headaches......"(i threw this one in myself).
This is when hurt runs deep.
I was up in PA this past week to spend time with mom and dad. A CAT scan was scheduled for Tuesday to check on the status of the cancer. Mom was having a few headaches on and off the past few weeks so she called to see if they can scan her head as well.
Im so glad she did.
We sat with Dr. Kane on Thursday while she very kindly went over moms report. Not the news we were hoping for.
Four lesions in the brain. A few new spots on the spine. The tumor near her windpipe has grown as well. Another MRI, radiation for 10 days, gamma knife and then chemotherapy following. She'll loose her hair again. But....
No swelling in the brain, that's good news.
Her appetite will increase, more good news.
Now We Pray.
Jesus, I need to hear from you.....
"You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone...
That's what you are."
I am reminded that He is the same.
Nothing has changed for Him.
He wasn't blindsided by this news.
He knows the very source of my hurt, my pain, my fear. He knows how to draw near to my mom and dad. He even knows who to bring and when to encourage them.
He knows exactly how to...
and THAT is why 400 miles away I can be encouraged. She was His before she was mine. He wove her. Knit her together. He alone knows her ins and outs and loves her even more than I.